Tired Tricks
by Ellia-chan
Summary: what happens when roy and the boys are left alone with a tired Edward. Parental!RizaXEdward
1. Chapter 1

I know many of you are waiting for the next chapter of "of bets and bedtimes" but I just kinda had this idea

**I know many of you are waiting for the next chapter of "of bets and bedtimes" but I just kinda had this idea! Also I don't own FMA. Warning utter crud!**

**Disclaimer: don't own FMA**

**Summary: Ed is asleep and the subordinates do stuff to him.**

**Pairing: parental Riza Ed **

It was a relatively normal day at Central HQ and Mustang and his crew were rather bored. You see Hawkeye had left at lunch to go to the doctor to get the mandatory flue shot provided by the military, thus leaving Roy and the rest to lounge around like the lazy bums they are. This is where our story begins.

Havoc was resting his head in his palms while he watched Breda and Fury play paper football. He enjoyed peaceful days like this but he wouldn't mind a bit of excitement, things were getting boring. His payers were answered when he heard the sound of loud clanking footsteps. That could only mean one thing, the Fullmetal midget was back in town. Ten minutes later the large suit of armor that was Alphonse Elric walked into the room.

"Hey Al how've you been?" asked fury.

"Okay but I wish I could say the same for brother." He said, "He caught a nasty case of that flu that's been going around." It was then that Havoc noticed Ed fast asleep on his brother's back. Al noticed Havoc's gaze and turned to him.

"Hey Havoc, would you mind watching brother while I go get his prescription from the hospital." Havoc was about to refuse but then he thought of all the fun that could be had with a defenseless sleeping Edward in his possession. (It's not what you're hoping for fan girls! Sorry!) He immediately agreed.

"Sure Al you take your time. I'm sure he'll be awake by the time you get back!" Havoc said with an evil grin.

"Oh okay!" Al said brightly, "I'll be back soon!" and with that he left. Havoc resumed his evil smirking and rubbed his hands together mischievously. Fuery looked worried.

"Havoc," he said nervously "what are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna get him back for being a brat to us all these years. And you all are going to help me!" he said turning to the rest of mustang's staff "I have the perfect punishment in mind! Fuery go get an extra uniform out of your locker!"

"O-okay, but what are you going to do with that?" Fuery questioned.

"We're going to give him a military makeover!" Havoc said happily. Everyone looked at him.

Breda: "I'm in."

Farman: "Me too."

Fuery: "you got it!"

So Fuery went off and got his extra uniform while the others laid Ed out on the couch and began to strip him of his clothes until he was left in his black tank top and boxers. When Fuery returned, they put him in the uniform. It was at this point that Mustang decided to come out of his office to get some coffee.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Roy asked when he spotted his subordinates huddled over the sleeping form of a military-blue clad Fullmetal.

"W-we were j-just getting back at Ed for all the times he was a brat to us." Fuery said nervously.

"HOW DARE YOU PULL A PRANK ON FULLMETAL WHEN HE IS ASLEEP," the colonel yelled while his squad coward in fear. "AND NOT INVITE ME TO HELP!!" The subordinates looked at each other and breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Well I actually think we finished but you can check our work if you want," Havoc said stepping out of the way so Mustang could see. Roy took one look at Ed and began to chuckle.

"Well Havoc I have to say you did a good job but you're missing one crucial detail. Don't worry though I know exactly what to do!" he said happily, "Put him in a chair and tie him to it so he won't fall over. I'll be back in a second!" he walked into his office again. The subordinates looked at each other and shrugged, then placed Ed in a wooden chair and tied him up. Seconds later Roy emerged from his office holding a pair of scissors.

"What are you going to do with those sir?" asked Fuery nervously.

"Just wait and watch Fuery and you'll see." Mustang said as he approached the back of the sleeping Elric. He grabbed Ed's perfectly done braid and placed the scissors at the nape of his neck. Then, in one fluid motion, he snipped off Ed's precious braid. (A/N little did they know just how precious it really was to him, but we'll get into that later!) Every one in the room gaped at what Mustang had just done. But Roy was not finished yet. After depositing the severed braid into a near by trash bin. He stepped in front of Ed and began to trim his bangs until they were short and spiky. He then clipped away at the back and sides until his hair was an expectable military length. (A/N think of Ed's hair when he first went through the gate.) Then he patted the clipped hair off of Ed's shoulders. He then began to untie his small subordinate. Ed chose this moment to start to wake up.

"Uh….What's goin on….where am I?" he muttered sleepily. His eyes fluttered open and he rubbed the sleep out of them. It was then that he heard the chuckles coming from across the room. He looked up and saw Fuery, Farman, and Breda giggling behind their hands and Mustang and Havoc outright laughing.

"How'd I get here? What's so funny?" he mumbled still groggy from sleep.

"You are twerp!" Havoc exclaimed. He went over to Ed and hoisted him up by his shoulders and steered him towards a closet with a full length mirror hanging on it. "See look" Havoc said making Ed look up.

All sleep was immediately gone from Edward. A look of total shock and horror crossed his face. He reached out and touched the mirror cautiously, then jerked his hand back in terror when he found the image to be a reality. He whipped his head around to face Havoc.

"W-why?" he asked shakily.

"Because it was funny." Havoc said with a giggle. Ed's face became filed with rage. He punched Havoc square in the face, making him fly a god six feet across the room. When he landed his nose was bleeding.

"What the hell was that for?!" the lieutenant yelled.

"Fullmetal that was completely unnecessary!" Mustang scolded.

"Oh really Colonel?" Ed asked body trembling and voice cracking "I think it was perfectly necessary. I think I should punch you all in the face for what you did…what you did to me!" Ed bowed his head and a steady stream of tears began to run down his face. Everyone in the office was shocked, Ed _never_ cried. Especially not in public.

"I-I promised Al I w-wouldn't c-cut my h-hair until he g-got his b-body b-back." Ed said trying to contain his sobs.

"NOW YOU ALL HAVE BROKEN A PROMISE I MADE TO THE ONLY FAMILY MEMBER I HAVE LEFT!" He screamed at them, clearly hurt.

"And my m-mom," he said getting even more upset. "She always w-wanted me to h-have long hair." He wiped his eyes and nose on his uniform sleeve. "I h-hope you're all g-god d-dam happy with yourselves! Y-you took away one of the few things I h-had l-left to remember her b-by!" It occurred then to Mustang just how much truth there was to those words. Every time he saw the young Elric his hair was always neat and clean even if the rest of him wasn't. He felt terrible.

Ed suddenly began to cough. He fell to his knees and broke down. He alternated between coughing and sobbing. It was like his world was coming to an end. The officers just stood there and stared. They had no idea what to do. There was only one thing on their minds, how had one little prank turn into a possible life wrecking incident for poor Edward?

Just then, Al and Riza returned from the hospital. Ed looked up at his brother, his face was red and rivers of tears ran down his cheeks.

"ALLL….ALLL," he sobbed stretching out his arms too his brother in a pleading manner.

"OH MY GOSH, EDWARD!!" Alphonse cried as he rushed over to Ed. Riza took one look at the two boys huddled together on the floor and then at the men staring across the room. A look of pure fury crossed her face. Shot at the officers angrily, narrowly missing their skin.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!" she screamed, "AS IF WHAT THESE BOYS HAVE GONE THREW ISN'T ENOUGH, YOU IDIOTS HAVE TO GO AND PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS! NOT ONLY IS EDWARD SICK AND EXHAUSTED BUT NOW HE'S PROBABLY SCARRED FOR LIFE!! FRANKLY I'M ASHAMED OF ALL OF YOU! ESPECIALLY YOU COLONEL, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" she turned to look at the boys. Edward was frantically trying to find comfort from his brother but it was exceedingly difficult considering Al was made of metal.

"Al I'm so sorry…I'm soooo, soooooo, sorry!" he sobbed while Al tried to no avail to consol him. Riza's frown deepened.

"Al was just asking if he and Ed could stay at my house until he got better." Riza stated to the Colonel. "I am taking both Elrics into my care until I say otherwise. Also Ed will be out for a week on sick leave." With that she turned to the boys. She knelt down beside Edward and pulled him into her embrace.

"Hush little one," she said soothingly, "everything's going to be alright." Ed buried his face in her shoulder and whimpered. Riza rubbed the back of his head and stood up. She carried the still weeping Edward to the door with Alphonse in tow. She turned to look at the rest of the squad.

"Good day." She stated flatly. She left the office with the two boys, slamming the door behind her. The men sighed and looked at each other.

"She was really angry." said Fuery.

"Can you really blame her?" asked havoc.

"We have to figure out a way to make it up to her and to Edward." Mustang said.

"Yeah" they all sighed. And with that they all started thinking of ways to make it up to Riza and Edward.

**Well that's all for now. I could continue this if you want but it's up to you. Please review if you want to know what happens next. PANCAKES FOR REVIEWERS!! :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello my loyal readers! Sorry it has taken so long to update but I have a lot going on right now! Between my tennis team and the fact that I'm stage managing for my school play there has been little to no time for writing! But you probably don't care! ON WITH THE STORY!! **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing except this cookie!eats cookie**

Riza stormed down the hallway followed closely by Alphonse. Ed was still sniffling softly, his head buried in her shoulder. Riza was thoroughly pissed at the rest of the office for what they did to Edward, especially when he's sick.

They walked out of HQ and into the parking

"Alphonse, would you please open the back door for me?" Riza asked as they reached her car. Al did as he was asked and Riza placed Ed in the back seat.

"Edward honey," she said gently as she buckled him in, "it's going to be okay. I'm taking you and your brother back to my house and I'm going to nurse you back to health. Then you and I can get back at that jerk of a colonel alright?" Edward nodded softly and she smiled.

Riza got in the driver's seat and Al got in on the passenger's side. As they began to drive, Edward's eyelids began to droop. He was so tired and he felt horrible. His nose was all stuffed up, he had chills, his throat felt like it had been rubbed with sand paper, and on top of all that his head felt like it was going to explode.

As Riza pulled into her drive way Al looked up at her house. It was a modest little two floor flat. It had a homey feel to it.

Riza and Al got out of the care. Riza went around to the back seat and hoisted a sleepy Edward up and onto her shoulder. She kicked the door shut and joined Al on her door step. She unlocked the door and they entered her house. Hawkeye immediately went into maternal mood.

"Alphonse dear," she said sweetly, "would you please go and help Ed get in his pajamas?"

"I'm sorry lt. Hawkeye," Al said looking down, "Ed doesn't have any pajamas. He usually just sleeps in his underwear."

"No wonder the poor thing's sick!" she said with a frown "Don't worry my nephew was here a few weeks ago and he left some pajamas here. They're in a box in the closet in the second floor guest room; put him in some warm ones." She handed the drowsy Edward to his younger brother and they headed upstairs.

When they returned Ed was fully awake but looking rather disgruntled. When they reached the bottom of the stairs Ed looked up at Riza questioningly.

"Riza," he asked looking up at her "why am I wearing blue footie pajamas?"

"I told you I'm making sure you get better," she said taking him into her arms "and part of that means that you have to get warm."

Ed sighed and Riza set him on the couch. She put a pillow behind his back and wrapped a blanket around him. Then she popped a thermometer into his mouth felt his forehead.

"You feel like you have a fever." She said rubbing his cheek "The best thing to do when you have a fever is to eat some chicken soup. Al why don't you come help me." Al nodded and the two went into the kitchen leaving Ed to sit alone on the couch.

Edward snuggled into his blanket and sighed. For the first time in years he felt safe and nurtured. Riza and Al walked back in a few minutes later with his soup. Al sat on a chair next to the couch while Hawkeye sat next to him with the soup.

"Open up," she said holding out a spoon full of soup. Edward blushed and opened his mouth. Riza smiled and began to feed him. When all the soup was gone Ed rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"Time for bed now boys." She said hoisting Ed up and motioning for Al to follow her. She led them to the second floor guest room where there were two beds for them to sleep in. She laid Ed down on one of the beds and opened his pajamas up a bit and rubbed some Vic's vapor rub on his chest.

"This will help you feel better." She said kindly. She tucked him in and kissed him gently on the forehead. She then went over to Al's bed and draped a large blanket over his armored body.

"now I'm counting on you to watch out for your brother tonight alright." She said kissing his helmet. She walked to the door and turned off the light.

"Good night my little angels." She whispered as she closed the door.

**Reviewers get some of my yummy cookies! :3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello my wonderful glorious readers! It is time for the latest installment of this story. I've been writing this when I should be taking notes in theater. (Manzilla if you're reading this don't tell the director!) She already thinks I don't do enough! *sweat drop*! On with the chapter!!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!!**

**FLUFF WARNING: there are gratuitous amounts of fluff in this chapter!**

When Ed awoke the next morning, he found himself alone in a sunny room. His nose was stuffy and his head felt like it had been stepped on by an elephant. It was then he realized that he didn't know where he was. Ed suddenly had a coughing fit. He rolled over in bed; the coughing had triggered the memory of where he was. He remembered that he was at Hawkeye's house, but where was Al?

Ed slowly got out of bed, saw spots, and immediately sat back down. Oh, his head was killing him! He shivered, he was so cold! He wrapped the bed comforter around himself and stood back up. He pushed through the headache and slowly walked to the door. He heard some clanging downstairs and headed down. Riza met him at the bottom of the stairs.

"Good morning Edward," she said. She lay a hand on his forehead, "Oh Edward, you're burning up!" she sighed. Ed blushed he really hated to make Riza worry.

"I feel fine Lt. Hawkeye! Really I'm great…ah…ah…CHOO!!" Ed said with a sneeze. Riza gave a playfully exasperated sigh and pet his head affectionately.

"Come on," she said softly, "let's get some breakfast in you while I go find the thermometer and some Tylenol." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led him to the kitchen.

Al was in the kitchen playing with Black Hayate when they arrived. He looked up when his brother and Riza entered the kitchen.

"Good morning brother," he said "I made you some oatmeal." He gestured to the table where a steaming bowl of oatmeal sat waiting for Ed. Edward shuffled over to the oatmeal and began to eat. Riza went to her first aid kit to look for the thermometer. Ed finished the oatmeal and laid his head on the table, he yawned sleepily, the warmth of the oatmeal had made him tired. Riza found the thermometer and walked over to him.

"Open up little one," she said kindly. Ed whipped his head up in surprise. He was startled that Riza would openly give him such a tender pet name. Riza was smiling down at him softly. Ed opened his mouth slightly and Riza gently slide the thermometer under his tongue and closed his mouth.

Just then the phone rang. Riza walked into the hall to answer it and came back five minutes later, just when the thermometer beeped. Riza took it out of his mouth and grimaced as she read the temperature.

"Well, Ed, you're at 102." She sighed. "Boys I'm afraid I can't stay with you today but I just got a call from the office. That idiot Mustang has to present his findings on a mad alchemist case we closed last week but he hasn't done the paper work yet. I need to go in and help him finish."

"That's okay Riza," Al said reassuringly, "we can get along on our own."

"Yeah," Ed said through his stuffy nose, "we can take care of our selves."

"Oh no," Riza said "there's no way I'm leaving you two home alone when Ed has a fever of a hundred and two! I called Gracia and she would be delighted if the two of you would stay with her today."

Ed looked at her incredulously and was about to argue when Al piped in.

"Really Riza?" he asked excitedly. "I can't wait to see Elicia!" Ed stared at Riza. He knew that she knew that if Al wanted to go to see Elicia then Ed would not complain. He hated that she could check mate him so easily.

Ed sighed and head up stairs to get dressed. He put on a pair of loose jeans and a blue and orange striped turtle neck. When reach Ed the bottom of the stairs, Riza was waiting in her uniform with his red coat in her hands. She walked over to him and put his coat on, zipping it up all the way and pulling up the hood.

"Wouldn't want my little patient to get cold now would I!" she said brightly. Ed blushed and then followed her to the car. When they reached the Hughes's house, Riza walked them up the porch and rang the doorbell. The door opened to reveal Maes Hughes in uniform.

"Hey there you three." He said brightly, "I'm sorry you got sick Ed but Elicia is so excited to have her big brothers here for the day! Don't you worry Riza, my darling girls will take good care of them!" and with that Hughes pulled them into the house. Ed looked back at Riza pleadingly but she just waved goodbye. He groaned, this was going to be a long day!

**Well that's all for now!**

**Cookies and ice cream for reviewers!! :3**


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